Best Man’s Speech

Hai, gara2 kemaren nulis soal Sherlock, jadi keingetan soal best man’s speech waktu dr. John Watson nikah (whoops sorry spoiler). I really loves it, therefore I want to share it with you guys.


I’m afraid, John, I can’t congratulate you.

All emotions, and in particular love, stand opposed to the pure, cold reason I hold above all things. A wedding is, in my considered opinion, nothing short of a celebration of all that is false and specious and irrational and sentimental in this ailing and morally compromised world.

Today we honour the death-watch beetle that is the doom of our society and, in time – one feels certain – our entire species.

But anyway …
… let’s talk about John.

If I burden myself with a little help-mate during my adventures, it is not out of sentiment or caprice – it is that he has many fine qualities of his own that he has overlooked in his obsession with me.

Indeed, any reputation I have for mental acuity and sharpness comes, in truth, from the extraordinary contrast John so selflessly provides.

It is a fact, I believe, that brides tend to favour exceptionally plain bridesmaids for their big day. There is a certain analogy there, I feel.

… and contrast is, after all, God’s own plan to enhance the beauty of his creation …

… or it would be if God were not a ludicrous fantasy designed to provide a career opportunity for the family idiot.

The point I’m trying to make is that I am the most unpleasant, rude, ignorant and all-round obnoxious arsehole that anyone could possibly have the misfortune to meet.

I am dismissive of the virtuous …
… unaware of the beautiful …
… and uncomprehending in the face of the happy. So if I didn’t understand I was being asked to be best man, it is because I never expected to be anybody’s best friend.

Certainly not the best friend of the bravest and kindest and wisest human being I have ever had the good fortune of knowing.

another wedding

John, I am a ridiculous man …

… redeemed only by the warmth and constancy of your friendship. But, as I’m apparently your best friend, I cannot congratulate you on your choice of companion.

Actually, now I can.
Mary, when I say you deserve this man, it is the highest compliment of which I am capable. John, you have endured war, and injury, and tragic loss …
… so sorry again about that last one …
… so know this:
today you sit between the woman you have made your wife and the man you have saved – in short, the two people who love you most in all this world. And I know I speak for Mary as well when I say we will never let you down, and we have a lifetime ahead to prove that.

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